Just for laughs!

December 13, 2005 at 11:12 pm 2 comments

This is the continuing story from State House, where
Mwai hosted Moi last week. Three years ago, Moi was
literally hounded out of the seat of power, bundled
into a military plane and flown to Kabarak, for the
first time in 24 years.

Some of his ardent disciples were left in tears. So it
was with a sense of nostalgia that the retired
President returned to State House last week. Excerpts.

Mwai: Karibu, karibu, Mr…uhhmmm mheshimiwa, uhhm
Mtukufu.

Moi: Just call me Moi, Emilio. It’s been long since
you addressed me officially.

Mwai: Wewe na wewe. Basi, karibu Bwana Moi.

Moi: (Casting an eye round the room) It feels good to
be back here. You know this place harbours many good
memories?

Mwai: (Smiling) I envy you. I truly do. I haven’t had
a moment of rest since I set foot here.

Moi: I know of your tribulations. Nimekuwa nikisoma
magazeti. (I have been reading the newspapers).

Mwai: (Hesitant) Uhhhm, the papers said you were part
of the problem.

Moi: (Fuming) Hizo ni porojo za watu wa magazeti
(That’s journalists’ nonsense). How can I undermine
the government of a man who deputised me for 12 years?

Mwai: Precisely. And not when I did nothing to
undermine your authority.

Moi: (Smiling) Well, there was that small matter of
the little money that you pay for my upkeep.

Mwai: Your pension?

Moi: Yes. The little money that your minister
threatened to withdraw.

Mwai: Don’t believe that porojo in the newspapers. I
personally wouldn’t have allowed it.

Moi: Hahahahahaha! Thanks for the reassurance. But
that’s not why you called me.

Mwai: Uhhhmm, not quite. Uhhmm, uhmmm. Now, why did I
call you?

Moi: Umesahau!? (Have you forgotten?). You know that’s
what those Orange people are saying. That you forget
fast. Like that piece of paper you signed and failed
to implement.

Mwai: What paper?

Moi: I think they called it MoU, na kadhalika na
kadhalika (etc, etc).

Mwai: Oooh, that one.

Moi: Yes, but remember I had dealt with Raila before
and I know him well.

Mwai: So what do I do with him?

Moi: Hii ni mambo rahisi. (This is pretty simple).
Weka Raila Kamiti na wengine wataogopa. (Jail Raila
and the rest will be afraid).

Mwai: Ai! His many followers will run amok and burn my
effigy.

Moi: I think people overestimate him. If you remember
well, I jailed Raila twice. And when he learnt his
lesson, I accepted him in my Cabinet. You did it the
other way. Put him in Cabinet. Now you should throw
him into jail. Twice.

Mwai: (Sighing) Wewe na wewe. And what about Kalonzo?

Moi: Hiyo ni kazi rahisi zaidi. Fanya yeye balozi.
(That’s easier. Make him an ambassador.) A country
like Iraq is good. It will keep him busy.

Mwai: And Ruto?

Moi: Huyo ni kijana wa nyumbani. Patia yeye parastatal
ya majani chai. (That’s a home boy. Appoint him to
head the tea parastatal.

Mwai: And Uhuru?

Moi: Parastatal ya maziwa. (Milk parastatal). He’s
experienced in the sector, having managed his family
business.

Mwai: What about the other rebels in the Cabinet?

Moi: What Cabinet? I thought you dissolved it. The
other rebels don’t matter. And your way of saying it
is by ignoring them.

Mwai: (Sighing) Sounds all so simple.

Moi: It’s all so simple. You should have learnt from
the master.

Mwai: It’s never too late to do that. Never too late.

(They rise and shake hands, then step out for a
photo-shoot. Such rare moments must be recorded for
posterity).
Source: www.communication.go.ke


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Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

My President has lost it; again! Curb this Anti-Semitism!

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Anonymous  |  December 14, 2005 at 2:22 am

    ha ha ha what a great semi play , if there isa word like that. that is great man and I just loved the conversation between mzee and our poor president. it really sounds like what the two would talk about. kudos

    Reply
  • 2. Anonymous  |  December 15, 2005 at 12:10 pm

    Kontriman, this is really funny and has made my day SANA!

    Reply

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