Am looking for Jesus
I went through last year a wounded man.
Looking back, I now believe God carried me through it all, and still will lead me on as I nagivate some of the remaining contours of my story in (hi)story.
At the close of 2007, however, I was in need of a renewal for 2008.
At the dawn of 2008, I felt such a lightness of heart and peace, only dampened by the post-poll crisis in the country (perhaps best captured in messy blogging thereafter).
That would shortly afterwards be followed by a belated but certain, sad confirmation that one of the men I have always held in high esteem in my life is nothing but a spiritual fraud.
His fall can only be compared to that of Lucifer – he knows too much, as a man of God, to have lost it in the way He has.
And he also knows too much about faith to serve the cause of God any good from where he now is, much as he has been putting up the act.
While I had had a serious crisis of confidence in God and man in 2007; this year was inviting me to lose complete faith in individuals and human institutions.
I have bee asking God to restore faith within me – particularly faith in Him.
I’m looking for Jesus afresh, looking to fall in love with Him again.
In doing that, I began a journey through the Bible last week.
The Fall of man in Genesis particularly interested me because feeling the tearful impact of the fallen nature of human beings and institutions at a very intimate level last year, I had hoped that thunder and lightening would fall on some of our leaders in 2007 into 2008, particularly those who had made my 2007 awful and the early weeks of 2008 a nightmare for everyone (I still doubt they will ever pay for it in this life).
In contemplating the foregoing, the sight of Eve falling for the serpent’s tricks because the forbidden fruit was pleasing to the eye, tasted good and would allegedly make her wiser got me thinking about some of the motivations that have informed my own life at times, as indeed those of the piece of land we call Kenya.
My journey in faith ain’t over yet.
There remains much to be gone over.
Much to be prayed and hoped for.
Much to still trust God for.
And much of Jesus to still keep looking and living for.
There is this Jesus I encountered one day in August 1992, and intimately walked with in the wilds of Athi River in my undergraduate days at Daystar.
It is this Jesus I’m looking for, devoid of whatever else I have tried to make of him in the days, months and years following my graduation.
Signs are that He has already found me.
And for that, I will forever be grateful.